A collection of random things.

The train operator on the last train I entered was a Nigerian man with a thick Nigerian accent. From his voice, I guess he must be about my father's age. He was calling out the stops the way Nigerian bus conductors do. Okay, not exactly. Train operators have standard phrases they say, but each time he said them, I heard something else. 
Train operator with thick Nigerian accent like he just came from under bridge in Oshodi: "Rosslyn: This is the last and final station in the common wealth of Virginia. Next stop is Foggy Bottom. The first stop in the District of Columbia."
What I heard: "Rosslyn, Rosslyn, last stop, last stop. Vejinia-DC! Vejinia-DC!! last chance!"

Speaking of accents, I think the Nigerian accent may be undergoing an evolution especially in areas with a high population of foreigners and repatriates such as on the Island. This explains why people like Toke Makinwa speak with that locally-acquired foreign accents we all love to hate. We shouldn't though. Language and accent are not static. And in this age of globalization, with many people traveling, FB, and the Internet, we should only expect the Nigerian accent to continue to evolve until it sounds like a cross between a British accent and an American accent. You know, those acquiring their foreign accent on the streets are very indecisive. Today they are British, tomorrow they are American. They must always change to fit into the group they find around themselves, which is part of life, abi?. 

The comments on my second date with WD made me feel a bit like a ruthless biyatch (side eye Naijalines). I didn't forsee you guys turning into the, em, what is it, a "fairness machine?" designed to tug at the strings of my moral consciousness. Truth be told, I didn't think about the emotions of the guys. I didn't see it as "using." When I told a friend about it, her response was "why are you wasting your time and energy on this?" I've cancelled the whole idea. It's not helping anyone. I haven't gone out with WD since our second date. I've given him so many excuses why I can't go out each time he's asked. I planned to break off this whole thing on our date tonight. But I don't think I even want to go out anymore because of the cold weather

One of BLG's friend that moved to another city a while ago visited for a sleepover last weekend. She brought three friends from her new area whom BLG has never met before. All of the kids are about BLG's age, and are African. I listened to some of their conversations from another room.I especially enjoyed their  talk about shit their African parents do and say that embarrasses them and boys. At different times, they all came to get my opinion on some issues. Later that night, their talk sort of got emotional. I heard one of the girls say, "I've been struggling with depression. I just want to find a way to be happy without medication." Those words broke my heart. But she wasn't done yet. The girl talked about how she was raped when she was 6 years old. I can't remember whether she said it was a family member who raped her, but I know she said her mother knew about it and didn't do anything about the situation. She also talked about being suicidal. I was touched by her story. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be dealing with depression as a teenager. I'm in my twenty's, yet I can't handle an ounce of depression. I talked with the girl a bit before she left the next day. Her eyes lit up as if Nepa just brought light when I said, "I understand where you're coming from. I've struggled  with depression."

A couple of days ago, I spent some time going through one of my old journals. I thought I should share a few past thoughts from my journal with you all since we are all best friends on this blog. hahaha.I just added everything in red

Feb 1st, 2012
This is the month of love, or rather the first two weeks are the weeks of love. I'm loving only God almighty and my brother, Jesus Christ -- the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end. 


Feb 20, 2012
I dreamed I was hugging a tall, muscular man (blushing) and I didn't mind. I wonder if my dream was the result of reading a novel where the main character--a woman in her 40's-- danced away the night in the arms of her new muscular love flame before I slept. I really wonder. But either way, I'm glad I saw a man in the dream. My sexual orientation is definitely changing.(How optimistic is this last statement).


April 20, 2012
I wish I had a girlfriend. I wish I had a girl who would give me a hug and tell me that everything would be alright. I wish I had a girl to share my life with. I wish I had a girl who would kiss me and whisper in my ears that I am beautiful and all she's ever wanted. I wish I had a girl who I could cuddle with all night and touch until she screamed at me to stop (covers head in shame).


May 18th, 2012
As part of my decision to move forward with my life, I've decided to properly address things in my past so that they can finally remain just there -- in my past. Today wasn't my happiest day. I'll give myself a C minus compared to my more optimistic self of the last two days. I was down and anxious. It's by the grace of God that I'm still able to look and act relatively normal around people. I did a good dose of crying today though. I also cried at the therapist's office. I felt tears well up in my eyes on my home, but I fought them back. I didn't want to be the weird crying black woman on the metro. 
Feb 4, 2012
Don't Prism! (I had my real name instead of Prism).
Don't give in to those gay fantasies!
Don't!
Fight it!
Remember that God has given me the power to overcome my desires. 
I'm a winner. I have power over my thoughts. My body is God's vessel.
God dwells in my thoughts. 

May 22nd, 2012, 2:58pm
I'm crying again. My life feels like a wreck. What is happening to me?

October 16, 2011
I give up this thing called homosexuality.
I give it all up.
I empty myself of all that nonsense.
I give it up for God.
I let go and let God.
God has a wonderful man in store for me.
God's plan is for me to marry a man and have a beautiful family.
I'll wait for God's plan to be fulfilled.
This idea of giving up everything was inspired by Deut 11:13-23 and either Matthew 5 or 6, where Jesus said seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and every other thing will be added to you. I read both scriptures throughout the week and they spoke deeply to me, especially as it relates to leaving my sexual orientation in the hands of God. Pastor Brett also preached the same thing today. He said we should give up things and watch what God will do in our lives. I'm going to trust God's word. It's difficult to let go, but I'll do it. I'm straight. God has something in store that will take my breathe away. I may think I've seen love and connection, but what is coming will leave me speechless. 


Okay o. So that is it. Have a nice weekend. I've had this song on replay.