Tuesday, June 26, 2012

One year later....

I came out a year ago with this post. It's been a journey filled with highs, lows, and everything in-between ever since. For instance, the day I came out was definitely a high for me. I had done some soul-searching earlier and decided that coming out was necessary in order to be authentic. I did not anticipate the indecision that followed my coming out.

My relationship with my family has certainly been transformed ever since. I'm told that I'm loved, but I'm also called the F word and as recently as last week I was told that I'm going to hell. There have been numerous arguments about sexuality and eternal life, and many questions about what the future holds, especially when it comes to relationships, marriage, and children. 

One year later, although I still don't have the perfect come back for the questions, arguments, and homophobia, I've changed my response to them. They don't hurt me nearly as much as they used to. 

One year later, I still believe I made the right choice by coming out. The mistake I've made, however, is in trying to be what I'm not. But even that is okay, because I can always say that I tried, and the experiences provided further confirmation of what I am. 

One year later, I feel the shame and guilt that I experience as a result of my sexual orientation continuing to dissipate, and I'm falling in love with myself again. This is a work in progress though. There are times when I relapse, such as last month, but provided I keep working towards self-love and acceptance, I think I'll be fine. 

A year later, I frequently attend a LGBTQ bible study and I'm uncovering the truth about homosexuality, the Bible, and God for myself. Maybe I'll blog about my experiences some other time, like how some people pray to mother God and the amazing people I've met. The best part has been connecting with people who have all experienced or are experiencing the same depression, shame, and guilt as a result of their sexuality and struggles in their relationship with God. Just hearing people's wonderful testimonies is reassurance that everything will eventually be fine.

Did you notice my pride  rainbow colors :p? 

Speaking of pride, I had a conversations with my therapist around pride time. Can you guess which one?

ONE
Prism: I have a confession, don't take it personal. I have a confession, you gotta listen.
Therapist: OOkayyyyy (looking curiously)
P: I think you're cute
T: I'm not gay
P: (embarrassed) 

TWO
Prism: I have a confession, don't take it personal. I have a confession, you gotta listen
T: What is it?
P: I think you're cute
T: (Blushing) Is that the confession
P: yeah
T: Thank you. Okay, this is kinda weird and unprofessional, but I think you're cute too
P: Thanks
T: Do you want to come to pride with me?

THREE
P: I have a confession, you gotta listen. I have a confession, don't take it personal
T: (looking on)
P: I think you're cute
T: (laughing) Is that a pick up line? It's kinda corny and cheesy
P: (blushing)
T: I need to teach you how to pick up ladies

Finally, one shout out to C. You know yourself ;p You rock.








19 comments:

  1. My favourite lesbian (after Ellen and that 'guy' in Glee). You know what my opinion is, it's from a song by Jason Mraz. "Hold your own, know your name, and go your own way". In other words, since you've made your decision live by it as long as it makes you a better person.

    All these groups, therapists, friends, and family would keep on analysing. Ever heard of "paralysis by analysis", you weight it so much from people and it makes it difficult to move ahead.

    Just my opinion though. I wouldn't want to be analysing. So I'll focus on something else...can you record a rap song about...dancing in the rain?

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    Replies
    1. I see what you saying, but I think it's essential to put things in their correct place before attempting to move forward. The past have a way of creeping into the future. It's kinda like how people say build on solid ground type of thing. But I'm definitely living and focusing on other things at the same time. Thanks :P

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  2. i'm really suprised... somehow i managed to miss your post from last year.

    Do bear with me i'm still really surprised!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Wow, I'm actually surprised... Here I was thinking I write too much about sexuality on this blog :/

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  3. Happy you are at peace with yourself. Hahahah.. My guess is three.

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  4. Hahaha I'm loving the 3rd conversation. She sounds smoking *wink

    Glad you're working through everything. We're all work-in-progress though *hugs*

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  5. Lolss, I was singing the conversations :)

    You've come a long way Babe that's all I can say!!

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  6. hahaa....Prism o!!! What is this?! Common entrance? Mchew, my wager is on C joo! I didnt even notice the rainbow colors until u mentioned. it.

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    Replies
    1. Common entrance ke? This is Jamb and Waec combined.

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  7. I'm dyin over here lol. Did you really start a convo by quoting D'Banj?!? lol.

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    Replies
    1. I'll answer your question in another post.

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  8. I loved the third conversation
    Blogger trying-to-find-your-true-self--tus :)
    Hope all is well?
    Do take care of yourself
    ...........Message received :) xxxxoooxxxooo

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    Replies
    1. Yes! Imma claim that title. I like it. Everything is good. Keeping my head up.

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  9. I like that you said you're living life like adebrsk said. Take care of yourself and know you have support from this end.

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  10. I'll go with one or three. I don't think ur therapist will ask u out. Aaanyway, like someone up there we are all works-in-progress. At least u have a sounder mind about who u are and where u r. Many-a-people are still confused. It will all be well in the end, if it's not well it's not the end... Emm... U know I got that from one of those bn dps right?

    ��

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