Saturday, April 7, 2012

Weekend luv

Some people sleep better at night when they have louboutin shoes in their closet. I sleep better when I know I have okporoko in my fridge and a bagco super sack bag in my cabinet.
This one just arrived from Naija. It was filled with goody goodies. Very soon it will try to become Americanized. This bag that used to carry yams and garri from the market without blinking will be complaining that it can't carry simple bread, cheese, and yogurt from the grocery store to the car. It will also tell me not to call it bago super sack: we don win because the name is too razz and no one can say it. 





I’ve been dancing azonto ever since I got this ukwa (not sure about the spelling).  Be jealous. Be very jealous. It doesn't get any fresher than this. This one is straight from the unpaved streets of my village. No refrigeration, no preservatives. From street hawker, to box, to plane, to yankee, to my stomach. When I placed the first handful in my mouth, it was like I won the mega millions lottery. Ukwa was among the few things that I looked forward to whenever we went to the village. The Lagos one never tasted  as good as the village one. 





There are some things that black people should just not do. For instance, we do not have the privilege of running around a bank at any moment without people looking at us suspiciously.  I and BLG made that mistake this week. We both went to the bank a few minutes before it closed. On second thought, we decided to use the ATMS outside the building, rather than go inside. We each went to different ATMs, and we finished our transactions at about the same time. When BLG realized this, she decided to run ahead to the car, so that she could claim to be faster than me. I, on the other hand, was not going to let her claim this title of faster-working person, so I decided to run as well (immature, I know. But it’s one of the few immature things that BLG makes me do. Never blame those mommies of babies and toddlers who speak with babytalk to everyone. These kids have a way of taking over your life without your permission. Soon you find yourself doing things you never thought you would ever do). When we reached the car, we both realized that the scene we had created was a dangerous one. Two black people in hoodies running from the bank, it’s by God’s grace that we weren’t shot and olopa wasn’t called. I’m not ridiculous. Remember that Harvard professor that was arrested for trying to get into his own house, and what about Trayvon Martins. We can’t be too careful as black people, especially when we’re around paranoid, subliminally racist, white people in the suburbs. 

Google has been so annoying recently. She’s been displaying homophobic behavior. The other day, she randomly repeatedly shouted “all homosexuals will go to hell.” We went on to have a huge argument about the statement. I wasn’t being defensive; I didn’t appreciate the way she was cherry picking the Bible. Why didn't she talk about the adulterers, liars, and other sinners listed in that Bible passage? Then another day, out of nowhere, she again started quoting the Leviticus scripture that says no man shall lay with a man. Then yesterday, out of randomville, she came to me and was like, “hmm… I think I now understand how people are born gay.” She went on to explain nothing new in a very annoying voice. 

On another note, I'm still trying to walk the straight path :). I flirted with a guy who was twice arrested for gun possession and robbery. I like bad boys. Not! The flirting occurred at the instruction of my friend-- peer pressure. We were hanging out, and then we meet the guy. He had all the shallow things people check when they first meet someone, plus he's educated, works a good job, and articulate. When he started talking to me, my friend decided to bounce; however, before she left, she instructed me to flirt with him. She's a childhood friend who has been trying to get me straight, so I didn't want to let her down that day. I decided to persevere and talk to the dude despite his checkered past, which she was unaware of. (The things this dude said, chai. I had to wash my ears with hand sanitizer, soap, and water when I got home.) My friend kept checking in with her eyes from across the room. And whenever I wasn't doing enough for her liking, she would signal it. Whenever I flirted, she winked or gave me a thumbs up. Long story short, I continued to flirt with the guy to make my friend happy.  I later discovered from another friend who works with the guy that he has been unable to completely put his criminal past behind him. He has discussed his wishes to abandon his normal great life in order to sell drugs and even rob banks. #Nawasha

Well, I'm still hanging in there. It's not fun at all. Despite the difficulty, I hope to make it work. Here are two "testimonies" of lesbians who were "converted." Unfortunately, I don't believe they've been delivered. They are only going through the asexual phase I went through when I got born again in college. I've shared my story of how I asked the Lord to take away my homosexuality when I was saved, and how I believed I was delivered when I became asexual. But then out of no where, this thing came back again. So I now believe that the sign of someone who has been delivered is that they would be effortlessly attracted to the opposite sex, until then, forget it. Sadly, these women may soon realize the homo in them is only lurking around the corner. 



Alright, have a great Easter


22 comments:

  1. You'll have to be my Favourite Lesbian.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Really? Okay o. Your favorite lesbian wants brazilian hair and bb porshe :)

      Delete
  2. See enjoyment. Shebi Ukwa is the Igbo word for groudnut?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NOooo @ilola. Its not. Ukwa is a sort of melon (legume family).

      Delete
  3. You and BLG aren't serious at all. Abeg no let America kill your joy jare.

    Google is your sister right? lol. I was confused for a moment there. Pull rank and dont give her any Ukwa.

    Happy Easter!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Funny post, Prism. Okporoko and all.

    Ms Cochran made me laugh out loud. She is what you might call a pretend lesbian. By her own admission, she was a frustrated heterosexual young woman who decided to CHOOSE living as a lesbian. That's quite different from being born gay/lesbian and not having a choice in the matter. So where she gets off trying to lead people to the 'right way to leave' is beyond me. People like her make me sooo angry. Her ministry spells a lifetime of destruction to those who listen to her!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's hard to describe madam Cochran. Sexuality is a continuum. So maybe she really IS lesbian. IDK :/

      Delete
  5. Actually ukwa belongs to the mulberry family, not the melon family. Egusi is the melon family.

    Ah! I haven't been here in ages! Oya share the ukwa now, don't be greedy, haba!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Blessing and happyi easter.
    You can't worry about other people and what they have to say, you just have to do and be you, whatever that is. The truth is all kinds exists on this marble planet of ours, there will always be condemers, haters, judgmentalist etc, etc, etc, you can't live your life focused on them. By all means be mindful, keep your awareness so your can protect yourself but live YOUR life and do not try to shape yourself/life to others ideals.

    peace..
    stay blessed.
    rhapsody
    https://plus.google.com/101099217204323189067
    http://www.shelfari.com/rhapsodyphoenix
    http://twitter.com/rhapsodyphoenix

    ReplyDelete
  7. Prism my love, haha, how yu doing, long time. na wa o. all these mini -enjoyments here and there. na you big o.

    still love your blog. stay safe and happy.

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  8. still anon, regarding the lesb thingy, am the one who sug. some time back that you try hetero(am sure i was a voice among lots) but i think the best position in life is a position of freedom. i still believe in the chrisitian God and the antigayism in the bIble but you spirit needs to be free and not bogged down.

    pls free ya spirit otherwise your productivity or creativity won't be 100% and over.. pls take it easy, sometimes its not by power and might. just say God if you are not in support of this take the feelings away perm.chikena and wait. you will be fine IJN in every area. relax and let God.take care.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I envy this your bagco super sack o. See groove

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  10. Enjoy your home-grown goodies! :-)

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  11. When did I eat ukwa last? Oh my! Please send some over, biko...

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  12. order a copy of "man have i got problems" by david wilkerson...it would help greatly

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  13. LOL @ ur goodies. Just pictured u taking bagco super sack grocery shopping!!

    The testimony of the woman seems real, like the change has come from within and I can relate with the peace she talked about. That kind that "passes all human understanding"... Mehn, it is what it is

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  14. The Ukwa looks like groundnut.

    lol @ the bago super sack story not being able to carry your grocery shopping - do you really carry that bag to the stores! Mehnnnnn looool!

    As for the hoody and bank scenario... please oo lol be careful, especially when you are wearing hoodies.. lol well to be honest, I doubt they will be shooting any black person in a hoody anytime too soon.

    As for the sexuality - you can only keep trying. People have different experiences.. they have converted they may not have... all you can focus on is your own journey.

    The second lady seemed genuine.. and I do know what she means about the peace.. I mean surely if she wasn't for real, she wouldn't risk her publication for something she isnt serious about..?

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  15. Baaaaaabe!!! My garri will soon finish o, please bless a starving African child :( I don't want you okporo.. and ukwa, i don't even know what they are but if there is garri in that bagco bag then please, i am shamelessly begging you infront of the world for some

    :(

    :'(

    *sniff*

    Biko

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    Replies
    1. LOL... u funny. sorry o. There was no garri for bag :(

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  16. Bagco sack americanized later?...maybe o! afterall, i was surprised to see ghana-must-go bag on the runway years back....but how do they pass all these stuff across the customs without detection? i remembered you talking of eating fried chicken and meat from 9ja few months back...how did they do it?

    Yeah! it both MIGHT look suspicious to them...Lord help us.

    take care.

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    Replies
    1. "But how do they pass all these stuff across the customs without detection?"

      Our butt crack wasn't created to only embarrass us in public when it slips out of our jeans and underwear without our permission. Some butt cracks come in very handy for transporting things too. JK. They just carry it like that...

      Delete
  17. biko be nice and pass that bagco bag to me here in India...I am roasting here oh with all these chapatti and all.

    ReplyDelete

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