So I'm back with a few random thoughts

Heeeeyyyy... how you doing?

I don't even know how to start a post any more after my brief leave from blogging. Ah, so where did I go? Well, nowhere. I've simply been too busy and unmotivated to blog. Thankfully, my schedule is back to normal, but I'm not yet sure about how motivated I am to start blogging again. I feel obligated to also disclose that there was no purring during my absence, especially since Ginger indirectly asked about purring....lol. The pussy is doing fine, but it still isn't purring. Now that everyone has some sort of relationship with my pussy (that doesn't sound right at all...haha) I think it's about time I give it a name. So that rather than throwing around the somewhat vulgar word, pussy, we can just call it by its euphemism and we'll all be on the same page about what we're referring to. Henceforth, it will be known as rainbow. The "feel the rainbow; taste the rainbow" line from Skittles commercials just popped in my head. Yes, pun intended. Now that I think about it, I actually prefer the name Skittles to Rainbow. So, correction, henceforth, it will be known as Skittles.
 Skittles did not do one ounce of purring during this break. It was always locked away behind...okay this is going overboard, just stop, Prism, stop already. You might as well go back on your hiatus if this is all you got to write about. Okay, I'm sorry, but I was only taking advantage of my "anonymous" privilege.

Anyway......

Big shout out to everyone who inquired about me during my absence. I'm sorry for not returning emails or communicating. Again it goes back to me being unmotivated to do anything associated with this blog, and that included checking the email for this blog. Big shout out to my my blog aunt, Naijalines aka Adura. I see she was out here being a natural hair ninja defender while I was away. I saw the hair fight. I think it has been discussed so much that no one wants to hear a word about it anymore. But hey, you know what team I fall on: team superior all the way...Hahaha. I've taken a word from my blog aunty's playbook. I'm just kidding. I'm team natural. I have more to say about natural hair, but I'll save it for later.

Anyway, so during my brief departure and hectic schedule, I did take time out to do a few fun things. For example, I saw Liane La Havas and Esperanza Spalding live, and I went to Sweater's party. I'll start with Sweater's party. Sweater and I have been getting closer over the past few months. Sometime in March, she invited me to a party she was going to have in April. She asked me to spend that weekend at her place. But since I've been so busy, I told her I could only spend a night at her place.

Anyway, so party day came, I went to the party, which was at Sweater's house. My friend Flower was also invited to the party, (remember I know Sweater through Flower). I told Flower before the party day that I planned to spend the night with Sweater  (I'm blushing, right now, choi, Prism). Flower had no problem with it, but she suggested that I actually spend the night at her house instead. I told her that I wanted to help Sweater clean up the next morning, which I actually promised her I would do. Flower suggested that we go to her house at the end of the party, then come back early in the morning to help Sweater clean up. But I told Flower that I would spend the night at Sweater's place.

At the end of the party, Flower was actually the last guest to leave, but it was mostly because both of us were talking. Before she left, she asked again whether I was sure I didn't want to come home with her.  I told her I was positive. Sweater jumped in to remind her that I was spending the night. This was maybe the third or fourth time that night, that Sweater was actually reminding Flower that I was spending the night. By the time Flower finally left, Sweater and I kinda felt like this

But it was mostly because we felt like this

when Flower kept asking questions about the sleeping situation



So with Flower finally gone, it was time for bed.....hahahaha I need to stop with how I'm narrating what happened. I'm sending the wrong message and dragging the story. Well long story short o, by the time we finally stepped into bed to sleep, which was about 30 minutes after Flower left, we heard a knock on the door. My girl, Flower, had raced home, changed into pjs and returned!!! And it was freaking 2 AM!!!

 

Like seriously, why didn't she just fall on her bed and sleep at home after changing her clothes. I wasn't too thrilled to see her, I'm not even gona lie. But I reacted like this.

Okay, maybe I was  5% happy that she came back. You know I do like living this abstinent life. It's hard, but it also has so many benefits. Contrary to what you may be thinking, I really had no ulterior motives. I had just been looking forward to spending time with Sweater--alone. But my hommie, flower, just had to show up. I could have told her this, and she'd have been okay with it, but Flower is my paddy and I like her too much jare.

Okay, bye o.

Happy Weekend.

P.S: I won my first blog giveaway. Make una help me to thank Toinlicious for sending me a copy of Chimamanda's book.

You know I never thought it would be possible for Nigerians to dislike Chimamanda. She has been Nigeria's sweetheart for quite some time now. I don't know whether I can confidently say that about her now. She has gone from speaking about the nice things we like to hear, like calling out racist stereotypes and attitudes that keep us down, to openly speaking about the virtues of feminism...lol. But Nigerians don't have a palate for that. Em...please we'll like to order a different Ted talk, no discussion of sexism or women's rights, and no cheese. Thank you. Chimamanda also has scores to settle with team relaxer, weaves, and artificial. hhahahahahahahahahahahaaahahahah. I really need to waltz back into my blogging hiatus. #gonewiththewindfabulous #imaginarydesignerdressbillowinginthewind

PPS: I'm just joking about "artificial." Heck, I put artificial hair in my natural hair....

Alright, bye, for real.

where have I been?

a) Heaven

b) Asia

c) South America

d) Africa

e) Nowhere

f) Europe

g) Australia

h) All of the above

i) None of the above

j) All of the above except a.

#okaybye

The late twenties are upon me

I will be 26 in a few months (God willing), and sadly, it looks like I'm gradually becoming one of those people in their late twenties who only talks about settling down. Okay, well, I'm not yet talking about it, but these days I've been thinking a lot about my future wife. When I'm cooking, I imagine myself cooking for her. When I'm coming home, I imagine coming home to her. When I'm going to church, I imagine going to church with her. It's kind of weird, especially since I'm currently single. Is this something that happens to people when they approach or enter their late twenties?

Lezzy Weekend: Meet Yemisi Ilesanmi, human rights activist and author of the controversial new book "Freedom to Love: Homosexuality is not un-African!"

How you doing, fabulous people? I want you to meet Nigerian LGBT activist, lawyer, and author, Yemisi Ilesanmi. I've been following her for a while on Facebook and I can tell you that her dedication to the fight for equal rights cannot be quantified. She just released her highly anticipated controversial book, Freedom to love all: Homosexuality is not Un-African, which is available for purchase on Amazon. I was thrilled to have a discussion with her about her new book, and her work as an outspoken LGBT activist. I hope you enjoy it. 

Who is Yemisi Ilesanmi? Tell us a bit about yourself. 

I am a passionate human rights activist, trade unionist, poet, and advocate for equal rights, social justice and poverty alleviation. I hold a Master of Law degree in Gender, Sexuality and Human Rights. I write and speak on a range of issues including workers rights, gender and sexuality issues.

I coordinate the group ‘Nigerian LGBTIs in Diaspora Against Anti Same-Sex Laws’. The group was formed in 2011 when Nigerian Senate resuscitated interest in the homophobic bill entitled ‘Same Sex Marriage Prohibition’ bill, which seeks to criminalize not just same-sex marriage as the name implies, but also same sex relationship and activities including advocacy on LGBT rights or aiding and abetting anyone suspected of engaging in Same-Sex relationships. It stipulates 14 years jail term for anyone who engages in same sex relationship and a 10 year jail term for anyone who aids, abets same sex persons, it also criminalizes any advocacy on LGBT rights.

The ‘Jail the Gays’  bill personally affects me because I identify as a Bisexual.

You are open and bold about your sexuality. How did you get to this point, or was it always this way from day one?
                                            

Being of a different sexual orientation is definitely difficult in a country like Nigeria, where hypocrisy seems to thrive. Many people are just happy for you to lie and deny something so central to your being just to be accepted. If you choose to be open and honest about your sexual orientation, life can be difficult, but if you choose to be hypocritical about it or live in denial, life might be tolerable, depends on what makes life worth living for you. I do know many bisexuals, lesbians and gays in Nigeria, some acknowledge this only to a selected few while many are in constant denial. Remember that same sex relationship is considered a criminal offence in Nigeria, until it is decriminalized, people cannot truly be who they are without fear of repercussions.

My boldness comes from my years of activism. I first got involved in activism during my undergraduate days in Nigeria. It was the mid-nineties and the military regime was in power. I was a student union leader, and many of us got suspended from school, arrested and detained so many times for protesting against the military regimes and their puppets in power in the education sector. I inhaled teargas thrown at us by soldiers during protests, was beaten, harassed and dragged to state detention centers for daring to speak against military juntas.

Your new book covers a controversial topic that many Africans consider taboo for cultural and religious reasons. What inspired you to write this book on homosexuality in the African context?

The Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition bill in Nigeria has stirred up a lot of debate on LGBT rights and with it came some public statements that show the average Nigerians and the majority of lawmakers are not very informed on the issue of sexual orientation.

As a vocal LGBT advocate, I wrote some blog posts debunking the many myths people believe about homosexuality, and that generated more discussions. I often get tagged in posts concerning LGBT for comments, and some often ask to use my comments to make their point. As I cannot be everywhere, and I know just pointing people to my blog posts won’t be enough as internet service can be quite expensive and slow in Nigeria. So I thought it would be a good idea to actually have a handy advocacy book aimed at debunking the many myths surrounding homosexuality n Africa.

 I do not think it is right or rational to criminalize consensual adult relationships because of the gender of the parties involved. Nigeria’s “jail the gays” bill violates my human right to Freedom from Discrimination, Freedom of Expression, Freedom of Association and the Right to Found a Family. The bill cast me as a criminal simply because of my sexual orientation; it also makes me an easy target of hate crimes, especially in a country like Nigeria where jungle justice, mob actions and killings are still common practice. Many Nigerians would happily stone gays, lesbians, bisexuals and Trans to death while quoting gleefully from their Bible or Quran. The existing Sodomy Law, a colonial relic from British colonization, and this new bill also force sexual minorities to seek asylum, making us refugees.

Amidst growing poverty, lack of security, escalating corruption, and the growing menace of Boko Haram in Nigeria, Nigerian lawmakers decided once again to come in a 'straight' mass orgy of corruption to bully the gay minority; a cause always guaranteed to provide the otherwise unpopular lawmakers with cheap, majority support. They seek to gain cheap popularity by using sexual minorities as scapegoats. Passing a popular homophobic bill would gain them support amongst the hugely homophobic majority Nigerians. When will they stop discussing who is sleeping with whom and start making laws to move this underdeveloped, oil rich nation forward?

Unfortunately, many Nigerians, including some Nigerian human rights activists are too homophobic to understand that this bill affects every Nigerian as it seeks to also take away the rights to Freedom of expression. I protest the gay bill and the existing sodomy law through this book, because I am entitled to the same right every other human being enjoys, irrespective of my sexual orientation. This book is also a strategy for educating people on sexual orientation. Human rights are not the privilege of heterosexuals.

  

Tell us more about the book.

In my book Freedom to love all: Homosexuality is not Un-African, I take a critical look at Nigeria's 'Jail the Gays' bill. It is an interesting collection of my articles on Nigeria's Same Sex Marriage Prohibition bill. I dissect the many homophobic public statements attributed to lawmakers, religious leaders and politicians. And I make a case for LGBT Rights as Human Rights and debunk the myths surrounding homosexuality in Africa. I also call attention to the deafening silence of Nigerian Human rights activists on the homophobic bill'. And discuss homophobia in Nigeria and the forces driving the 'Jail the Gays' bill in Africa.

Sexuality rights remain a controversial issue in many parts of Africa.  It is not just a controversial issue but also a taboo subject. African societies do not provide enabling environments to discuss sexual orientation issues. Homosexuality is condemned by many African leaders as Immoral, Un-African and a 'White man's disease'. Many countries in Africa still criminalize homosexuality. Sodomy laws remain part of the criminal laws thereby making it legally possible to persecute sexual minorities. For example Zimbabwe, Kenya, Uganda, Nigeria, Tanzania and Ghana all have laws under which homosexuality can be prosecuted. In South Africa, where the constitution recognizes same-sex relationships, gays and lesbians are often attacked, molested and persecuted for their sexual orientation.

My book protests the criminalization of LGBTS, and challenges human right activists to defend human rights of everyone irrespective of gender, religion or sexual orientation.

 For most LGBT people, coming out is a significant moment in their lives. Can you share your coming out story or decision to come out? What was it like for you? 

I have always maintained that my sexuality is not something I have to gather my whole family together and announce as if I have got a terminal disease. Actually, I did not put a name on my sexual preference or my lack of one (lol) until much later. I have always been attracted to the same sex and opposite sex but I always tried to deny that part of me and nurture the heterosexual part, since that was what the society promoted and accepted as normal. I was quite young when I first had my first same sex attraction, (Same sex attraction, NOT SAME SEX INTERCOURSE). It hit me like a tsunami wave and I was quite shocked by it. I could not put a name on it. I could not discuss it with anyone. In fact at that age in Nigeria, I was not expected to be discussing any sort of sexual attraction! With time and enlightenment, I realized I do not have to deny who I am and there really is nothing to be ashamed of. I see my bisexuality as a step above  heterosexuality because my feelings or attractions for someone is not based on gender but on the person, it does not matter whether you are man or woman or transgender, it’s the person inside that I am attracted to and for me attraction comes in different shapes ,sizes and gender, after all variety really is the spice of life!

What advice would you give to young Africans who are struggling with accepting their sexual orientation?

They should accept first and foremost that sexual orientation is nothing to be ashamed of. It is not a disease, it is not a defect, and it is as natural as our skin colour. Once, you get past that stage, then face your society with your head high, but be proudly you. Educate people, create awareness, DEMAND your rights, and do not let anyone trample upon you.

I am not saying it is going to be easy but remember some of our ancestors fought for us to be proud black persons. Some even laid down their lives so we could be free human beings and not slaves. It is said that every generation has its mission, either to betray it or fulfill it. We are born in a generation where our sexual orientation is considered a crime, it is our duty to change that mindset, be proudly you, and also be safe. Be the change you want to see. Do not condone homophobia, use every opportunity to educate people around you about sexual orientation, every voice counts, every little step forward matters.

Thank you so much for time, Yemisi. 

 "Freedom To Love For ALL: Homosexuality is not un-African" is available in paperback and kindle version on Amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1481864815
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1481864815
http://www.amazon.de/dp/1481864815
http://www.amazon.es/dp/1481864815
http://www.amazon.fr/dp/1481864815
http://www.amazon.fr/dp/1481864815

Letter to the Lord

Dear God,

I try not to bother you too often, but I need your help with three things. Three things do I ask of thee, Lord (excuse my King James version English. My first introduction to God was in King James English, so pardon me).

1. Please make me cross paths once more with that girl I saw on the train today. I couldn't take my eyes off her. There was something about her that was so... i don't know..captivating? I think I may be infatuated with her, even though I know nothing about her. I was tempted to walk over and talk to her after I caught her staring at me a few times, but I was shy and a bit scared that she might be offended if she isn't gay or open-minded. Besides, I didn't know what to say or how I would have started a conversation with her, because my mind was such a mess and wasn't thinking straight. So please, God, up my game as well. Like, no, seriously, I need back my game and boldness and I need it ASAP. 

2. Please make my gaydar more precise. I'm grateful for my pretty good gaydar; however, it could use a little tweaking here and there to make it more effective. I no longer want my gaydar to just ping. I want it to write "lesbian" or "not lesbian" on girls' foreheads. This is absolutely necessary God as you know that I'm primarily attracted to femmes aka feminine lesbians who can pass as straight. And you know gay bars and clubs and other lgbt gathering places outside of Bible study where I  can harmlessly hit on a girl without wondering about her sexuality isn't really my thing. Furthermore, most of my friends are straight and we all like to hang out in "straight" places. So if my gaydar could write people's sexuality on their foreheads, I would be able to talk to girls I see while living my normal everyday life without the fear of talking up some straight girl who would slap my face or give me some dirty look or embarrass me in some way.  This leads me to my third request.

3. Please help me to forget those Nollywood images embedded in my mind of girls who slap toasters. They sometimes play in my mind and keep me from approaching people. Help me realize that girls of today do not slap people who talk to them. Help me remember that most straight girls actually feel flattered when they are hit on by other girls.

Your devoted daughter,
Prism.